suffering with God

“Put on a happy face” – a theme of life lately. At work, people are constantly asking me, “How are Christian and Stephanie doing?” Their kindness and concern is so nice – but my strength to smile is wavering.

The other night, we talked to Christian in his hospital room. We put up a few more posters and pretty cards NieNie readers have sent and he told us how grateful he is for the prayers he has felt. He told us about how he listened on the Internet to Elder Holland’s CES fireside a couple of weeks ago. And as I watched Christian’s grief, I remembered what Elder Holland said in his inspired message:

picture from "Reflections of Christ" by Mark Mabry

“It is imperative to remember He is right there with us as He has always been. When we weep, He and the angels of Heaven weep with us . . . When suffering, we may in fact be nearer to God than we have been in our entire lives.”

It makes me wonder – am I suffering with God? I have faith in His Plan. I believe that He can perform miracles. I believe that our bodies are only temporary holding places for our spirits. But I don’t think I’m letting the Atonement of Christ relieve some of that suffering the way I should. The physical pain they are bearing is hard to see – but their emotional pain is harder – and I know that the Savior experienced both (and so much more) in the Garden of Gethsemane. He knows the pain that Christian and Stephanie feel physically and emotionally – and no one else can say that. There are others who have dealt with burns and pain, but no one has experienced their literal, violent pain, except for the Savior. I think that’s what suffering with God means . . . realizing that your experience was/is HIS experience.

“The future is in your hands. Bad days come to an end. Faith always triumphs. Heavenly promises are always kept.”

*amazing

my man is amazing*.

*amazing = 24 school credits
*amazing = 48 work hours
*amazing = interviewing for jobs after graduation
*amazing = rocking said interviews
*amazing = editing his resume over and over to make sure it’s the best possible
*amazing = surprising me at costco last night when I was really missing him
*amazing = giving me a major back massage the other night (20 minutes with oil, music and everything!)
*amazing = loving, sustaining, devoting, strengthening

faith + prayers

Last night, my mom opened a card from a sweet neighbor. She read it quietly and then shared a part of it that really gave me comfort:

Hope is the anticipation that the outcome will be good.

Worry is the anticipation that the outcome will be bad.

Faith is the anticipation that whatever the outcome, it will be for our good.

I have a lot of faith.

My dear friend, M, said to me the other day - "Remember that we are all not only praying for Christian and Stephanie but for their families as well. Prayers can reach you for whatever your need." So true, I feel how many people are praying and it makes me so grateful. Thank you.

pretty chair. stupid thief.

I love this chair. So much, in fact, that I am thinking of saving my pennies so that I can spend over $600 on it - WHAT? This is coming from the girl who buys chairs at Goodwill and recovers them in discounted fabric (example: here).

Also, can you believe that the police found David's truck? We are really sad because it is trashed (ignition torn out, major body damage, interior damage). You think that getting a $1,000 deductible is a good idea cause you'll "probably never have to use it"? Yeah right. AND, we had to pay $29.99 to get it out of the tow yard - stupid thiefs.

The worst part? The truck was just hanging out in ghetto Phoenix for a week until a neighbor called it in. No evidence. Just a stupid thief that took it for a ride.

Stupid thief.

Can I say it again? Stupid thief.

Pray that Stephanie's surgery will go well today!! Pray. Pray. Pray with all your might!

getting mail

thank you karren and taylor for this fantastic poster to put in c + s rooms (it will be rotated - for sure).
and thank you carina for the lovely paper chains. they are truly lovely - nie will love them! (p.s. did you know they were even shown on the news here in AZ? my mom draped them in front of the camera to show how nice you people are!)

red barn

Just another painting I did last week. Should it go up in Etsy? Hmmm?

a few things

1) I continue to love people (that means you!)
2) This vanilla bean yogurt with fresh strawberries is my favorite food right now.
3) I wish I could have been a part of Elder Holland's prayer last night.
4) I love my faith - a lot.
5) I keep having vivid dreams about Christian and Stephanie (almost nightly).
6) I told Stephanie all about the pictures and cards I put up in her room. She seemed grateful.
7) I miss Toad, Juanita, Ollie and Gigs.
8) The Today Show is interviewing my parents (and the Clark's) tomorrow morning (7 am). I will be there. (Update: they're now only interviewing the Clark's - but watch it anyway!)
9) I'm nervous.

feeling prayers

Know what I hate? When your husband’s truck gets stolen in the night. Big, fat bummer. On a happier note, my lovely sister-in-law wrote my family this e-mail about Christian:

Christian was cinched up in his new back brace and strapped into a fancy chair when Peter and I saw him yesterday. He was in a sitting position after 17 days at "30 degree maximum" as he put it (that's the most incline he is allowed in the bed). It was so fun to hear his voice, though it's not quite his yet. He was laboring to talk and to stay alert, but he had his humor and was coherent.

As we were saying goodbye, he swelled with thanks for our visiting him and then he spoke so beautifully about prayer that I wrote it down after we left so I wouldn't forget. He said, "Thank you for the prayers. I feel them. I feel them. I've needed them more this past week (17 days, but who's counting) than I ever have in my life. And there have been times in here when I needed them so badly, and I could feel them. Keep them coming."

(love this picture of Christian and Ollie)

Thank you all SO much for your prayers. Please "keep them coming"!

things I need

Today's a "day" (if you know what I mean).

Working a 13+ hour day is not good for my health on top of everything else going on right now. It's also one of those days where I'm desperate for a home of my own. I just really want a white kitchen where I can cook up those lime squares with pistachio crust that I've been meaning to make. Heaven help me - I need to make something!

I need a lovely living room where I can have friends over and relax with David.

I need a bathroom where I can lock the door and use the delicious bath salts Karren gave me for my birthday.

And most of all, I need a bedroom where on days like today - I can fall into bed, wrap the duvet around me and have a good cry.

Don't we all though?

birthday 2008

1. Went to La Grande Orange with parents, Pete and Darin, Steve and Cindy, Matt and Topher (not as a couple). Ate delicious half avocado and half prosciutto and fig pizza. Finished off a birthday cupcake from the staff.
2. Went to Mt. Lemmon with David on Saturday. Ate incredible, homemade blueberry pie in Summerhaven at Mt. Lemmon Cafe.
3. Ate 60 cents worth of Rocky Road fudge from "The Miner's Sweet Tooth" while walking around the ski resort with my love.
4. Made my birthday cake for Sunday dinner (Lemon Custard Sponge Cake with Fresh Raspberries).
5. Wished BIG wishes for 2009.