March 6, 2010

just me

This week I had a blogging breakdown of sorts. I started thinking, "Why do I do this? Why do I do this to myself?" I started doubting any and all talents I thought I had. I began hating my pathetic efforts to be as clever, as pretty, as creative as so many bloggers I see are. I tried to do things that I thought were cute and that people would appreciate and then, when they weren't appreciated, I was offended and then embarrassed that I was offended. I became jealous and I really hate that version of myself. I become petty and self-involved and I always gain weight (stress eater here). That's when I started breaking down Why I Blog. And we all know, you can't be a blogger until you've had this epiphany. Or this blog post.

Marta really hit the spot for me on this blog post about blogging and jealousy. She is one of those bloggers who I strive to be like. She's pretty and clever and artistic and lovely and has the most darling boy. The fact that she was able to articulate what I felt this week made me feel . . . what was it, hope? Hope that I'm not the only one who has these irrational, silly pangs of blogging jealousy?
I admit that I was tempted to just say, "I'm done blogging." That I was through with the stress of trying to be as cool as those that I aspire to be like. But then I remembered this morning as I was nuzzled up to my warm baby in bed that I started blogging in 2005 as a tool to record my culinary internship journal that I had to turn in at the end of the summer. I've been blogging for almost 5 years! There's a reason why I love this and it's not because of how many readers or comments I get. No one read my blog for months and months (accept maybe a sister or two) while I poured out my frustrations of a too hot country club kitchen in Canton, Massachusetts. I loved writing out my life and I love reading those experiences over and over again.
In conclusion (since this post totally feels like an English essay), I'm going to follow Marta's advice: "u be u. i'll be me." I'm going to strive to be true to my purpose for blogging - as a journal of my life as a mother and a wife. My most important calling. More important than being crafty or clever. If I lose readers, why does that matter so much? I'm happy you're here and feel free to stay if you feel like it. If not - no hard feelings. Just know that I'm just going to be me.
Photobucket

46 comments:

  1. This post is just the reminder I needed - I blog for me and not to be considered one of the "cool" kids.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that every person who has ever blogged has felt this way before. I, for one, feel it all too often.

    This probably won't mean anything, but I would like for you to know that I think that you are pretty fantastic just the way you are, and I've got a feeling that I'm not the only one who thinks so. I'm happy to hear that you're just going to keep on being you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mmm, I think every blogger has those moments of jealousy of the really popular blogs that have tons of followers and comments. Comments are like a little pat on the back that lets you know someone is listening and they think you are great - of course we all crave that. I often look at popular blogs and think, "I could do that if I had more time/money/a husband/a farm or larger house". I have to remember that the one who gets the most pleasure from my blog is me. I love to read it, remember the moments I have recorded and I love to create something I find beautiful. I read other people's blogs to be inspired, amused or most importantly, uplifted.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey Liz! You don't know me, but I found you through Sarah H's blog (and I'm Ashley B's sister in law). I've been reading your blog ever since Christian and Stephanie's accident & just wanted to say that I love your blog! I think all bloggers go through this "why am I doing this" phase, but really I've loved reading about your journey to motherhood and how much you adore your little boy. You & your blog are simply adorable! So I thank you for sharing yourself with us online :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. ya, i've felt a million times that blogging is kinda like high school....feelings of insecurity can creep in & you're like, "why do i do this, anyway?"....

    i *try* to stick to my own personal mantra that i adopted from a good friend...."it's better to BE, than to SEEM." it's better to be yourself & record things that YOU love, than to seem like so&so, or seem "perfect" or whatev. ya know???

    i feel ya liz. & i think you & your blog are fabulous. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh I have this problem a lot. I am not creative and never come up with pretty things to post, but I agree with you blogging is for you, and it's impossible to keep everyone happy so just keep writing for you!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Liz! My name is Amie and you don't know me either. Like Becky, I stumbled upon your blog right when Stephanie and Christain had their accident, and I haven't been able to stop reading since! This is probably the first time that I have posted on here, just because I tend to be a little comment shy on personal, family blogs...a part of me feels like I am eavesdropping on your personal life (I guess I am, though, aren't I?) But you are captivating, have lovely ideas and I have tried many of your recipes (your brown rice corn cakes are a favorite in our home!). But as bloggers, that is what we all want, to have others read our words we think so hard about and enjoy them. Well you've got me :)

    If you wanted to peek into my blog world help yourself.. http://www.myretrokitchen.blogspot.com

    Have a lovely day- and please don't stop writing.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I like you just the way you are, and just the way you blog. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Elizabeth, your blog is one of my favorites...quite charming and original. I recently started my own blog and I did it for all the same reasons you stated...for me! I will never be the most crafty, original, or always upbeat like some but that's okay because this is for me, and hopefully, one day, my kids!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I love your blog! I like seeing you and your little boy! You are such a cute Momma!

    ReplyDelete
  11. When I read this I could not believe that you.. YOU!! actually think that you are not a good blogger.. your blog is one of my favorites.. I love it. You are so talented, so organized, such a good mother, and so much more. I always wish that I could be a good blogger... no one reads my blog, for real.. but you just need to know that you are great! Don't stop blogging, I will really miss you if you do. :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. so very true liz. you are not alone. i love your blog. i love this post for its honesty. and I love this picture!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I think about this quite often. I just wanted to let you know that I love reading about your experiences and seeing your beautiful pictures. Thanks so much for sharing with us all.

    ReplyDelete
  14. oh my goodness Lizzy! You have to blog, we (I) think your ARE gorgeous and witty and you ahve a darling baby boy as good as Courtney's chief gorgeous!!!! AND guess what my hubby is from Canton, MA! Is that a hoot...what country club, let me guess Blue Hills or Spring Valley! heheheheh see now we are friends....okay maybe not but now you know why your blogging is so important! Life is so funny sometimes isn't it, here you are wondering and I am telling you why! LOL hug that little William, see you around.~Donna

    ReplyDelete
  15. Liz, Your blog is truly one of my favorites! There is such a sweetness about you and your blog that other blogs do not have and I love that! I never comment but really love reading your adventures as a new mom and your excitment about moving to San Diego. I live on the other side of the Country but am from San Diego and your pictures have given me a little piece of being home. And of course your wonderful meals have graced my own table time after time!
    I love your blog Liz! Thank you for sharing a little of your sweet day to day life with us:):)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Good advice, that: you be you, I'll be me. I struggle with some of the issues you mention from time to time as well. Not fun at all. But there is wisdom in your friend's advice, and I'm going to try to heed it.
    In the meantime, please know I adore your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  17. You ARE one of those clever, beautiful bloggers with an adorable baby boy! (And your recipes are great too)

    But...you're right. You have to do it for yourself. Someday when your children read your blog it is more important that they see their mom reflected than some fake domestic goddess they don't recognize.

    Keep up the good work - I appreciate the peak into your life.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Liz, I think there are so many of us that have felt that way. I never thought you out of all people would ever feel that way because I aspire to be like you in so many ways!! You are so creative, smart, spiritual and BEAUTIFUL in every way!!!!!!!! I get so excited when I see that you made a new post! And I like you just the way you are. No need to try hard to impress anybody because you are perfect the way you are. I am so glad that we finally crossed paths and met each other almost three years ago! It's like you are my long lost sister/second cousin! he he! You have truly blessed my life and I just want you to know that I like you just the way you are! You just be you, and I'll just be me!! Deal?

    Love you Lizzy!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I don't know if I've ever commented on your blog, but I've been reading it ever since I first learned about blogs . . . oh four years ago? We have mutual friends through Stephanie and Christian and I have always loved your style and have really enjoyed reading and watching your journey from single to married to mother. I love your creativity and I went through a phase where I had jealousy over blogging, but I've come to realize more and more that it's about being who we are and our perspective on our lives. When I write a post for me or my posterity, then I know I am doing it for the right reason! I have also enjoyed Marta's discussion/workshop this week and it has caused me some introspection on blogging too. So, thanks for being open and honest and cheers to marta and her blogging campaign this week!

    ReplyDelete
  20. I've only met you once and you probably don't remember me at all, but I'm a friend of Kara Marx and read your blog regularly. I must say that I really enjoyed this post! It's so easy to get caught up in trying to be more funny, post more cute pictures, brag about your husband more and on and on. There are times when I write a post and then think, "Did I write that for me or for someone else?" If the answer is for someone else, then I think I'm missing the real point of blogging. Anyway, I really enjoy reading your blog and think you do so many beautiful/interesting posts! I'm glad you decided to keep doing it!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm amazed that you feel this way--your blog and posts are always so fun and uplifting!f Just know I will always be a fan, even if I don't always comment. Thanks for making me smile. :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. I have to admit that I didn't even look at the link... I was too anxious to make a comment and tell you DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT NOT BLOGGING!!!! I love your blog. How does someone with SO much talent question themselves? Keep going girl... some of us depend on your posts to keep us going!

    PS- I love your recipes and the pics of the finished projects.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Yup, every blogger has phases like the one you are speaking of. You really start thinking "Why do I do this?" But once you decide why and if that decision includes continuing blogging, you become more comfortable in your content and it feels so so good.

    Keep it coming. All the time.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Oh yeah, and here is my secret to blogging and staying true to who you want to be: Don't read other blogs. Yes, don't read blogs that make you feel like you aren't good enough. Read the ones that inspire you. Cleanse your Google Reader and you will feel much better.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I LOVE your blog! It is so charming. You should read my post about blogger perfection...
    http://lucyelise.blogspot.com/2008/08/im-not-perfect.html

    Give the "I'm not perfect" thing a try...I found it very freeing!

    Sara

    ReplyDelete
  26. If it makes you feel better, I read your blog and wish to be as cool as you! Love your blog. Just keep doing what you're doing! :)

    ReplyDelete
  27. I think the craziest thing is we all think "she's much cooler because she gets X number of comments and I only get Y." We are all cool and our blogs should number one be just for us. If other people read them, like them, learn something (like how to make a really awesome chocolate cake with white chocolate mint filling like I think I learned from you) then great!

    ReplyDelete
  28. I totally love your blog, and honestly, sometimes I've been a little jealous of your seemingly idealic life (and your beautiful hair!)

    I enjoy your blog, love the pics of your baby, LOVE your recipe ideas (the chicken and dumplings I made were amazing thanks to you)

    I don't want you to pretend to be anything. I don't want you to feel like you have to be perfect all the time. As a blog reader, I just look for authenticity - be yourself - share your heart. And just so you know, I do feel you are authentic and that's why I love to read your blog! Thanks for not giving it up!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I had the same epiphany this week. My family is most important and blogging is a hobby. I do it for me, and if I no longer enjoy it, there really is no point. I have also felt the jealousy; which is far to easy to feel when everyone is showing only their best self.

    For the record, you are gorgeous and I adore your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  30. what a heartfelt and genuine post. thank you for the kindness. i find it a daily task to not get caught up in the whirlwind of blogger's envy (sorta like tennis elbow)! i think everyone deals with it. i was shocked so many commented about that post, since i was fearful to even publish it! anyway good for you for being YOU and blogging onward. keep it up. xo.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I like you just being you! And I love bloggers that keep it real. That way....none of us feel like failures in our home. I once posted that I got up early to make hubby breakfast (something I never do). We ended up arguing and I went and crawled back into bed. No breakfast. It was really what happened at our house that morning...and being real is what makes us so strong and actually be able to learn and grow from one another.

    Glad you aren't giving up blogging. You are on my daily blogroll!

    ReplyDelete
  32. p.s. you and that baby are gorgeous. if i were going to be envious, i'd be lime green.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Are you kidding?!

    I think your blog is wonderful! I love all that you share and your sincere writing style is a breath of fresh air.

    All that you share is delightful and it's been so fun watching your journey to motherhood. I can't say I've been reading forever, maybe a 1.5 years or so...and I love it!

    With the link you supplied to your older blog, I feel like I've been given a new gift to read. Thanks!

    I love your style and think you're just a dear, dear person, Liz!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Elizabeth,

    I found your blog through cjane and NieNie. I read lots of blogs and seldom comment. I love reading your blog, seeing your beautiful baby, admiring your decorating sense, and drooling over your yummy recipes. Don't stop! You have many quient fans!

    Kath

    ReplyDelete
  35. i recently found your blog and then realized i'm on your inspiration list. totally flattered, thank you.

    i have blogging breakdowns allll the time. but for me, the good outweighs the bad. the internet is amazing and how it connects us with other creative, unique individuals (who all have their own talents and something to offer) is just too good to give up on.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Elizabeth, I have been reading your blog for alittle over a year and have never commented. It always felt like I had nothing "clever" enough to say, but this post really struck a cord with me. I blogged for two years to chronicle the torturous adoption process that we went through to bring our son home from Guatemla and although I stopped shortly after he came home I miss it terribly. I adore your blog. It is honest, fun, and beautiful and I just wanted you to know that. Take care,
    Lee anne

    ReplyDelete
  37. so fun to read your blog liz. keep on keepin' on. love you.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I love that! I read your blog for you. I love your attitude about life and they way you are so happy. This is one of my favorite blogs becuase of your cute little family. You are a amazing wife and great mom! Thanks for always sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I check in every morning and am disappointed when there isn't a new post (but anticipate one soon...) and LOVE it! Don't quit, and certainly don't be so hard on yourself - you're best as a mother and everything else just creates more facets to your life!

    Tami
    N.Canton, Ohio

    ReplyDelete
  40. I think there is nothing like the internet to make you realize whatever you thought you were good at, someone is better, lol. But I think, like you said, if you like blogging then blog. It's not about being the best at everything and proving through your blog that you are the most beautiful, most creative, most crafty, most spiritual. For me blogging is just about doing something I love. I get jealous of people in real life, as well as in blog life; and I have to check myself every once in awhile and remember to chillax.

    You have a beautiful family and a beautiful blog!

    ReplyDelete
  41. I started reading your blog after reading Nie Nie and then CJane and I have to say that you are the creative, witty, inspirational blogger that I aspire to be like!

    When I start to get down on my "talents" I remind myself that there will always be someone better than me and some that are not as good. We have to just be happy with who we are in the end.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I love your blog! I find it so inspirational and beautiful. Thanks for sharing your own loveliness with the blog world. It is especially fun for me to get glimpses into the world of an excited, loving, doting new mommy.
    My husband and I are trying to start a family and I am so looking forward to the joys and trials of this new life.
    So again, thank you for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  43. i love your blog too. your food always looks delicious and your pics are so cute.

    plus the crafts you make are awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  44. I read your blog because it is a fresh voice in all of the "I'm here, read me, love me, comment, you lurker, you, how can I feed my family if you don't" bloggers. Your posts are sweet and simple, family oriented and reality based. You share just enough of yourself, seem to take great joy in life and are grateful for the blessings you have received. That alone is reason enough for you to continue to do what you do so well.

    ReplyDelete
  45. We don't know each other, and for that reason, I have felt awkward commenting on your posts. I just wanted to echo the others and say how much I delight in reading your blog!!! I started reading you via cjane and nienie and just loved your style of blogging. I always feel happy when I read your blog and it was fun "getting to know you" by reading your archives. Thanks for being a positive blogger! And since I'm not creepy and neither are you, I'll comment more often! :)

    ReplyDelete

Comments are moderated to eliminate spammers and internet bullies.