I have always wanted to be a mom. Always. So, when I found out I was pregnant with William, I thought that all my dreams were going to come true. I had grand ideas of baking cookies with happy children by my side. They would be dressed adorably, well-mannered and happy. I would be patient, kind and my kids would be geniuses because of my dedication to their education. But news flash: parenting is really hard. Gasp.
Here's the thing - as much as I love my children and as much as I love being a mom, I don't think I'm very good at it. I am not asking for compliments by putting that out there. I just want to type up my feelings and, in the process, hope to make sense of this crazy experience called parenthood.
Since we moved into my parents' house there has been an inevitable adjustment to our day-to-day life. David is working crazy long days, William thinks we're on vacation and my awesome-sleeper baby hasn't slept through the night since we arrived (and we aren't even close to unpacked). The other day, William was having a meltdown about eating a cookie before dinner. I explained that he couldn't have a cookie before dinner and he continued to cry and whine about it with such determination for what seemed like hours that I thought my head would explode. I asked my mom, "Did you have any kids that were this determined?" She smiled and nodded. I asked who was this way and she said, "All of you!" (Keep in mind she birthed and raised 11 children!) Haha! Just like with every other skill in life, I really think this is going to take a lot of practice. Yes, I have a lot of good instincts as a mother but there's also some skill that has to be learned with parenting and there are several things that I can do to improve my skills (cause, you know, you gotta have great skills):
Ways I Can Improve:
1. Consistent Discipline - especially with all the craziness of the last few months, I have given in to William's demands because I am tired of hearing him complain and because I "just have to finish this" or whatever. Consistency is key with discipline and I know that, but dang, it's hard! I know I'm not doing anyone any favors but neglecting discipline in my parenting. I want to raise children who understand choices and consequences and I think discipline helps with that.
2. Eliminate the Negativity - I can't count how many times both my boys have been crying and I have made an exclamation of "you guys are driving me crazy!" or talked about their negative behavior to someone else. I don't like my issues and shortcomings gossiped about so why would my children?
3. Listen - one of the biggest snafus that I face with William is miscommunication but it's not always because he's a three-year-old and has a limited vocabulary. Often it's because I'm not listening to him. I need to be better at stopping whatever I'm doing, getting down to his level and truly listening to what he's asking for. A lot of times we can come to a compromise that we're both happy with but not unless I'm hearing what he has to say.
Most days I have moments where I pat myself on the back and think I'm doing an okay job. It's usually when I sit down and read another book with my boys or when I keep my cool during a temper tantrum when internally I want to scream and cry right along with my three-year-old. I don't think I'm a bad mom - just not a great one. I look at my mother and her amazing example and have to remember that someday, I'll get there. I think the important thing is that I'm trying every day. My children know I love them and when I smile and kiss their cheeks for the millionth time, that's a great place to start.
You ARE a good mother because you recognize this and you will be a GREAT mother. Mom has had lots of practice. :)
ReplyDeletePerfect Moms are like unicorns. I don't see many around. Your mom skillzzzz are awesome Liz! I wanna be like you when I grow up and be a Mom!! Oh wait...
ReplyDeleteLove you!
I love your words, and especially that little quote. So true! I, too, always fantasized about how dreamy motherhood would be. And a lot of the time, it is. But my firstborn really taught me that I am not as in control as I thought I'd be. Letting go of some of the guilt and realizing that even a 3-year old has agency was (still is) difficult. Now he is almost 9 and it's still s struggle at times, and I've had many unpretty moments as a parent, but we are doing good. My friend once said, "I'll be the perfect mother as soon as I have perfect children." All that matters is that we do our best, and love these precious kids through the madness. Hopefully they'll experience memory loss of the crazy times. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for this, Britty! I love what you said about being a perfect mother. I strive to be the best I can but I make mistakes and I hope my children will forgive me for them. By the way, I just checked out your blog and I love it. Definitely going on the "to read" list. :)
DeleteHappy to share a little of the wisdom I've learned over the years. We're all in the trenches together! I've followed your blog for an embarrassingly long time. We have lots in common, starting with our love for Harry. :) I look forward to connecting here and there!
Deletei dunno if youve been keeping up with my blog - but i feel exactly the same. and when lbj came home with his first report card i had a flip out and was reminded of what a not-so-great mum i am. i feel ya sistah! but we will make it, because we love our kids and theyll know it.
ReplyDeleteThis is one thing I've learned in my 12 years parenting...being able to seek forgiveness when I've been in the wrong
ReplyDeleteHas greatly helped my daughter. I see how I can be such an example in my weekness. If I was perfect, all these lessons would have been missed. I think I show her I'm a great mom in these moments. It makes me have the energy to continue doing what I know is right for her. I have enjoyed seeing the rewards of my work starting to show 12 years later. It is a blessing to watch.
Sarah
Is there a perfect mother? I don't think there is- or should be! Then our children would think they have to be perfect, too. That's what I tell myself when I am being a less than stellar mom. ;) just from reading your blog and seeing your in instagram I can tell you are a great mom because you obviously adore your boys.
ReplyDeletemoving is so tough! I hope everything settles back to normalcy for you and the family. And thanks for this list! A great reminder and there is alaways room for improvement for me. :)
ReplyDeleteLindsay
I don´t comment often but i love reading your blog. I so can relate to what you wrote here. My kids are 6 and 4 and i know the chanllenges that come with motherhood. And i know i don´t have to tell you that it is the most rewarding job as well. We have never met but i can see through your blog that you love your children and that you have everything that it takes to be a good mother. You put your kids first,sacrifice a lot of yourself, you stay at home and you actually cook for them. It may sound stupid but cooking with fresh ingredients is so important in order to have happy and healthy children and it is so sad to me that many moms feed their kids with ramen noodles and mac n cheese on a regular basis. I´m sure they will appreciate it so much and be thankful when they grow older.
ReplyDeleteI don´t comment often but i love reading your blog. I so can relate to what you wrote here. My kids are 6 and 4 and i know the chanllenges that come with motherhood. And i know i don´t have to tell you that it is the most rewarding job as well. We have never met but i can see through your blog that you love your children and that you have everything that it takes to be a good mother. You put your kids first,sacrifice a lot of yourself, you stay at home and you actually cook for them. It may sound stupid but cooking with fresh ingredients is so important in order to have happy and healthy children and it is so sad to me that many moms feed their kids with ramen noodles and mac n cheese on a regular basis. I´m sure they will appreciate it so much and be thankful when they grow older.
ReplyDeleteI have two sons, ages 21 and 16. I feel like this regularly. I think if we honestly felt like we were great moms, we wouldn't be great for sure. I think your feelings are normal and that's what keeps you striving to be terrific at raising your children. It seems like you had an amazing role model in your own mother (me too!). But we know they had challenges, too. You are the best mother William and Frederick could have. God gave them to you and you to them. It truly is a match made in heaven.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
(By the way, I love reading your delightful blog. Your honesty and sincerity is heartwarming and brings back such wonderful memories from when our children were younger. Love from Minneapolis!)
Oh man, thanks for writing this, I needed it today. Hang in there. We're all in the same boat {which is often sinking}
ReplyDeleteYour blogher buddy.
I just found your blog through pinterest. I have moved due to my husband's job several times in my adult life. It has been difficult, but has ended up being a wonderful change. We now have a 9 month old baby boy, and he keeps me busy. It's nice to see someone else who is experiencing and feeling some of the same things.
ReplyDelete