December 3, 2010

"all I really want our love to do is to bring out the best in me and in you too"

One of the most special parts of our New York trip was spending time with David. It sounds silly because we cuddle every night as we go through our DVR list and try to go on dates (somewhat) regularly but this was completely different. We laughed and teased and I found myself being much more easy going about his silliness. He put his arms around me on the subway, we held gloved hands as we walked down the streets, he took me back to our hotel room in the middle of the day because I needed to rest (really, that's all). I felt like we were dating again because we only had each other's needs to think about.
horrible picture at Serendipity NYC.
I strongly believe in the importance of alone time with one's spouse. It is vital for your marriage to thrive. Sure, some marriages can get by with a hug and kiss in the morning and at night, a few family movie nights with the kids before crashing into bed or sitting in the same room together reading your individual books (and certainly, all of those things are important as well). I think the "thriving" comes from figuring out what makes the two of you grow closer together. What makes you, at the end of your date night, so excited for the next one because you had such a wonderful time together.

I'm so grateful that I have parents who, after nearly 50 years of marriage and 11 children, always find time to go on a weekly Friday night date. I'm sure they've missed a few weekends over the years but their example has taught me that one of the most important things they could do for their children is to show that their marriage is a priority.

This weekend is David's work Christmas party at a beautiful resort. We went to the same resort last year and marveled at the beautiful hotel but we had brought our one-month-old baby with us. The whole night we worried about the cold weather for our infant during cocktail hour and the loud music and noise makers in the ballroom. We sat in the furthest corner from the DJ, thawed some frozen breastmilk in the public restroom and went back to our hotel room a couple of hours later and called it a night. This year we're leaving William here with David's family and I've been looking forward to this weekend for months.

I never thought of myself as a "quality time" type of person but I'm understanding the important role it plays in our marriage. I understand that everyone's needs are different in showing love (I'm a huge believer in the 5 Love Languages). I love doing these quizzes - if you're interested in finding your love language, click here and then tell me what you are. I'm intrigued by anything regarding personalities!


  1. Love this post! And I'm a HUGE fan of the Love Languages too. Quick and simple way to find out your own priorities and figure out how to prioritize your efforts so your partner can feel taken care of too.

    David is Quality Time, and he needs it in a big way. I'm Gifts. Awesome. Shallow, but you know what? It's true!

  2. Er, that's *my* David, not yours. I read your blog and all, but I'm afraid I couldn't speak with any authority on your husband's Love Language!

  3. I am so glad you got alone time with your hubbie! My husband and I went to mexico this year, and even though we have been married 10 years it felt like my honeymoon!

    I am a believer in the 5 love languages too! Mine is words, and my husbands is time. Although, i think we both are a little of everything, right?

  4. I totally 100 percent agree. We don't have kids but since we are living with his family it is hard to get a moment alone or even finish a conversation without someone's input. This weekend we got away with just the two of us and it was so nice.

  5. I really couldn't agree more. Even with just a one month old I realize just how important one on one time is with josh considering its been non existent the past four weeks...rightfully so. However, I am not going to lie I am looking very forward to our date night one of these days...just him and I. Very well two are the it!

  6. This was really cool, thanks for sharing! My love language is Words of Affirmation.. I can't wait to have my hubby take this. ;)

  7. I'm a huge quality timer. The other languages are meaningless to me if I'm getting no time. Glad you and David had such a wonderful thanksgiving!

  8. I've been reading your blog for quite some time, but I think this is my first comment. Love your writing. :-)

    This post really struck a chord with me. My husband and I have 3 children and are expecting our fourth; it's so hard to carve out good one-on-one time!! After our third was born, we started training for long-distance races together. It took some careful planning to make sure we had a two-hour time chunk to run together every Saturday, but I love(d) it so much. Something about all those endorphins makes those runs the best dates ever--we talk and plan and come home sweaty and exhausted but totally filled with enthusiasm for our life together and our new plans on how to make it even better.

  9. I agree. I think it is so important for children to see their parents show affection to each other and take time to go on dates together. My parents were amazing examples of this. They are still so cute and cuddly and they are always holding hands and whispering cute things to each other and I absolutely love it! I'm so glad you guys were able to get away and have some alone time! :)

  10. I am definitely a service and quality time person. Like yesterday my hubby hung the Christmas lights on the house and it made me feel so loved and valued.

    I think what you wrote in this post is so true. We have to make a point to work on our relationship with our spouses to keep it fresh and to remind ourselves of what we have. I think the same goes for our relationship with God. If we forsake that and don't make an effort to then it too can go dry.

  11. Hi Elizabeth,

    I have lurked on your site ...for years..before your move, before William ...actually found you a week after Nie's & C's accident. Never commented is the day! :)

    But this post really really spoke to me. I love your writing. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I realize this is an area in my Life where I need to work on with my husband. I related to so much of what you said ..esp. recounting your experience at David's work party last year. We've been there. But we have not yet taken a weekend alone - our little boy is 3 and our daughter is 15 mos. *gulp* Anyways, I digress...just wanted to tell you how MUCH this post has made me think about my Life, what I want my marriage to be and goals for 2011. THANK YOU!

    p.s. I'm in San Diego too! Will keep looking for you at Balboa Park! :) AND will go take my Love Languages Quiz now!


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