if we cannot be clever, we can always be kind.

I had some friends over the other night for a church meeting and they ended up staying an hour or two later as we talked about friendship, marriage, children and the like. We got on the subject of personalities and I brought up the Color Code. I am fascinated with personalities and feelings (blue much?) and we started to discuss some of the good and bad traits of each type. 

brother, Stephen (5), and me (2).

One of my friends brought up the fact that she has a hard time with passive aggressive behaviors - "if you have a problem with me, say it to my face!" I have heard this sentiment many times before and I have to say that I can appreciate the virtue of being honest and forthcoming. On the other hand, I have a really hard time when I hear someone say that they're "being honest" just so they can say what they think about someone without being responsible for their actions or the effect it has on other people's feelings. Somewhere along the way, people started to think that this so-called "honesty" trumps kindness and I don't feel like that's the case.

I respect people who can gracefully bring up something (including criticisms) that will help strengthen a relationship, a home or someone's life but I really respect the person that doesn't say anything when it's something they can't change. It is so admirable to see someone brush off another's fault or annoying habit and love them anyway. There are circumstances and behaviors that shouldn't be ignored but I would say that most are. And if it should be changed, is it my job to change it? Is it my job to criticize? Is it my job to judge? The only person's faults or annoying habits that I should try to change are my own.



I was at my bishop's house on Sunday for a meeting and saw that he had a piece of paper hanging on their family bulletin board with a quote on it. It said something like, "Think about what you are about to say or do and unless it will bring forth positive results, don't say or do it." I've been thinking about that quote and the responsibility I have to become the kind of person who lives this way so that my children will be kinder, more forgiving and more loving.

“But,” you ask, “what if people are rude?"

Love them.

"If they are obnoxious?"

Love them.

“But what if they offend? Surely I must do something then?”

Love them.

“Wayward?"

The answer is the same. Be kind. Love them.

- from a wonderful talk that I love.